Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Blog notes VI

Few days ago, I got an unusual experience. I was travelling by bus. It was late at night. It was strange mainly because I don't usually travel at night (by any means of transport) - not because I might be afraid to do that, but for the simple reason that in the night, I am not able to perceive the reality in a realistic manner: for me, it is either better or worse.

I was standing there, watching the persons around me. All of them looked so busy, so preoccupied, so ... many. I felt so lonely... At that moment, I thought that I didn't belong to this world.

I got eventually at home. There was nobody, as well. A dreadful feeling of loneliness and emptiness invaded my soul. I hated the deep darkness that surrounded me. I was looking for the light, trying to escape from this terrible state. I finally managed to get it, but the light itself wasn't enough to make my soul rest.

This extremely unpleasant sensation followed me all that night. It was terrible to realize that there was nobody who would wait for me, who would feel the need of my presence stronger than anything else in the world (as I always dreamed).

But the truth is that we are really selective: perhaps there are many restless souls, waiting for a sign from us, that we are not interested in. We need our presence to be necessary only for some of them (who are already chosen).

It is true that when we don't have any feelings for somebody (who does have) we behave in a cruel manner. But wouldn't it be better if we stopped doing that (and watch, hear, understand and give hope, instead)?

No comments: